The New Scriblerus Club

That Uncle Sam!
That Uncle Sam!
I do not like that Uncle Sam!

Do you like those Arab scum?

I do not like them, Uncle Sam.
I do not like those Arab scum.

Would you like them here or there?

I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like those Arab scum.
I do not like them, Uncle Sam.

Would you like them in a box?
Would you like them without walks?

I would not like them in a box.
I would not like them without walks.
I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like those Arab scum.
I do not like them, Uncle Sam.

Would you? could you? in the nude?
Would you? could you? while you're viewed?

I would not, could not, in the nude.
I would not, could not, while I'm viewed.
I would not like them in a box.
I would not like them without walks.
I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them ANYWHERE!
I do not like those Arab scum.
I do not like them, Uncle Sam.

You do not like them, so you say.
Try to!  Try to!  And you may.
Try to and you may, I say.

Sam!  If you will let me be,
I will try to.  You will see.

Say I like those Arab scum!

I do! I like them, Uncle Sam!

And I will like them in the nude.
And I will like them while I'm viewed...

And I will like them in a box.
And I will like them without walks!
I like them, Uncle Sam!  I do!
They are so good, Sam!  Peek-a-boo!


*This was reposted on The Guardian website, but removed.

Dear Dave,

May I say, on behalf of my entire media group, how delighted we are by your proposal!  When news first broke that we were bribing police, bugging innocent civilians, and courting politicians, we were, quite frankly, terrified for the future of privatised media!  You can imagine our relief, then, to hear you propose we merely regulate ourselves, basically as we do already.  For the sake of impartiality, information must be mediated not by the public, but by rich pro-capitalist corporations.  We act in the public interest, not the private.  If, occasionally, we harass grieving mothers, photograph people naked, attack the welfare system, and lie if it will sell more papers than cost in lawsuits, these are the faults of a few bad apples -- a T---m Cr---ne, a Reb---h Br----ks, a R----t M----h, -- not of a system designed to make money and protect its hoard at all costs.  You can rely on us company directors to be moral, public spirited and all that, just like the bankers when you deregulated them.

See you at the stables,

S-----h P---e-M----s.

In an interview with ------, Lord Fraud is reported to have said the benefits system is "dreadful" and discourages rich people from getting jobs.

"The taxpayer bailouts, the government contracts, the fraudulent expense claims, the tax avoidance--all kinds of areas where the rich are able to have a lifestyle off benefits and actually off conditionality" the C------- peer said.

Fraud, the grandson of paedophilia-apologist Sigmund Fraud, and a privately educated investment banker, told ---------- that his background did not make him unable to understand the reality of living on benefits.

This is the first time the C--------- have publicly criticised the culture of benefits among the rich, and the party has been accused of stirring public distrust by making dramatic claims about rich lifestyles and fraud.

A report by The Telegraph last month calculated that MPs' pay could jump by 40% to £92 000 a year.  The proposal comes after MPs' fraudulent expense claims were exposed and stopped--timing that some believe is no coincidence.

Crime Blockbuster (18)

Fear thy neighbour…

Manly, hardworking cop Joe Everyman (played by the president)
and officer I. Candy (pornstar Candy Scriblerus) must catch
inhuman criminal Mohammed Other (the current enemy of the
state).  An idyllic community is subject to nightmarish crimes, but
the police have too few resources and too many regulations to find
the killer.  Enter our heroic state enforcers.  Unafraid to break the rules,
they must threaten and shoot suspects without trial, because they know
that humans are savage beasts, and even the seemingly normal could
be dangerous monsters.  Be prepared to fear your comrades, shelter
under the state, and become accustomed to extreme violence, in this
disturbingly convincing work of total fiction.

In Cinemas Now!

Hundreds of politicians, business owners, and managers in Greece, Italy, Spain, and Portugal yesterday went on strike to protest the growing anti-austerity movement.  Rights were left unrepealed, mansions empty, and workers unharassed, as the ruling class took to the streets.

Town squares had not contained so many shirts and tails since the nineteenth century.  The crowds, which were composed entirely of white males, carried placards with slogans like "Tax the poor", "We don't need welfare", and "Capitalism works".

Violence almost erupted in Athens when one banker banged on an office window, furiously demanding the workers give him more tax to pay for his yacht.  However, police in all countries kept control, the crowds being small, and unused to physical activity.

The head of the conglomerations, Stalinus Scriblerus, gave a speech in which he told protesters "This strike is not just about reducing wages, welfare and rights.  Its about developing class-consciousness, realising our combined power, and proving who it is that runs society.  Let's just see how the workers get on without us enforcing our laws, micromanaging their work, and taking their profits!"

The strike caused widespread disruption in offices and factories, as employees were forced to make decisions based on their expertise, agree how much profit each of them deserved, and take a real interest in their companies' success.

A Portuguese worker commented on the anarchy.  "It is as if I have lost my job.  Yesterday I skulked to work, wasted eight hours being told what to do by someone who didn't know how to do it, and skulked home with little pay and no thanks.  Today I raced to the office, did what needed to be done, left when I'd finished, and passed the afternoon spending my extra earnings.  It was very strange.  It didn't feel like work."

*This article was reposted on The Guardian website on 21st November, but removed by a moderator.

We must lower tax for corporations
For the people;
We must raise it for the population
For the people;
We must give it to conglomerations
For the people:
We cause pain for your gain;
We are there for your welfare.

We must keep the poor from graduation
For the people;
Leave the sickly for divine salvation
For the people;
We must starve the jobless generation
For the people:
We cause pain for your gain;
We are there for your welfare.

We must fund the royals' ostentation
For the people;
And directors of communication
For the people;
We must cover bankers' speculations
For the people:
We cause pain for your gain;
We are there for your welfare.

We must take the wealth of other nations
For the people;
Visit terror, death, and mutilation
For the people;
Hazard nuclear annihilation
For the people:
We cause pain for your gain;
We are there for your welfare.