Martinus And Stalinus Scriblerus Report To Emery Wentworth

Stalinus and I were sat in the Parlour, sipping Sherry by the crackling Fire, when our Patron popped in to ask if we had solved Mankind's Problems yet?  

"It dependeth what you mean by the Mankind's Problems", I quipped.  "If you mean merely Inequality, low Wages, Job Dissatisfaction, Joblessness, Homelessness, Poverty, Hunger, Thirst, Crime, Death by preventable Disease, lying Politicians, diminishing Resources, Overproduction, financial Crises, global Warming, War, the possibility of nuclear Annihilation, and what not, such as The Guardian scaremongers: if you think these things are Problems, then the Solution is quite simple."  I quoted Einstein that it taketh a Genius to make complicated things simple, and a Fool to make simple things complicated.  "All we need to do is to protect the State from Whistleblowers and Prosecution, monitor Everyone's Communications, protect the Privacy of the Rich, bomb Iran, give Politicians a Pay Increase, give the Poor a Tax Increase, and take their Pensions, Care, Child Support, Disability Support, Unemployment Support, Nurses, Firemen, Policemen, Servicemen, Academics, Librarians and other Public Servants.  This is a far simpler, fairer and lasting Solution than, say, doing away with the Ruling Class, as some Crackpots propose."

( Read more... )